I struggle with anxiety. Not many people know this about me because I have an ability to converse and to project eloquently enough that people see confidence. But inside I am a ball of nerves and knots in my stomach. My throat tightens up and my tongue goes dry, my body courses with adrenalin to the point where I feel like my whole being is doing to topple over or I might faint with the light headed inability to cope. This mostly happens in confined spaces where I feel trapped and is some sort of claustrophobia that I also feel in an open space or large space surrounded by loud noise and lots of people.
I try to confine myself to small groups. The thought of standing up in front of three or more people and presenting something or sharing makes me feel physically ill.
The complete lack of control I feel of my physical reactions renders me often unable to take part in things. Or makes me do silly things to build confidence in a situation or blur the lines of what I am having to face up to.
Did you know this about me? Not many people do.It started in my primary school days and was compounded by an unhappy secondary experience. I never fit, felt loved or welcome in the peer groups that I was slotted into and never felt good enough or that i was going to meet the measure of expectation.
So i put up a hard exterior and blocked things out or argued or pushed people away so that I would not have to admit fear or shame.
Since becoming a mother, things have not much changed in the anxiety department, however my coping mechanisms have because it is not about just getting through to the best of my ability for my own sake now.
Now I have found a deep inner lioness who will stand infront her cub and roar and you better watch out if you are the one it is directed at. Now I feel like I can root myself to a spot, notice my anxieties weaknesses and fears and cushion myself enough in their rising to be able to redirect my flow or to grab the tools I now recognise and lean on to help me.
I see these same tendencies to anxiety in my wee man. He has controls that he needs to call on for his own coping ability in certain situations. He is much more open and expressive as a nearly three year old is still, of his needs fears and hopes. HE is much more hopeful still!! His raw vulnerability is so on his heart on his sleeve in his eyes that sometimes I want to wrap him up in cotton wool and protect him from the world, and yet paradoxically he is so eager to throw himself in the lions den and roar his own beautiful life song that I know I must tentatively stand and watch..only a few feet away but allowing.
Today he moved up a room in childcare. Not a huge move some might say but a phenomenal and developmentally potentially life shaping experience for a wee man of his experience and emotional needs.
The carers he is used to were starting later, his friends were only a few there and his previous experience of the room he was moving to was older kids pushing him around and not sharing and telling him to go away!!!
He was distraught. HE had the same physical symptoms I recognised so personally and was crying and begging me not to go to take him home. My heart was breaking and I knew that his little heart thumping through his tiny ribs and onto mine was too.
I left him there hoping, saying out loud, he would give it a go and that he would find joy and have fun and be able to combat this anxiety he was so potently experiencing. And yet in my heart I knew if it was half as bad as what I have sometimes experienced he may not.
I left feeling like a bad mum. But I left also strict instructions to the carer to roller his anxiety blend on his heart, behind his ears and on his feet two hourly with him. I pressed it into his little palm kissed both his teary eyes and walked out with a hot knife of pain in my heart.
Half an hour later I got a call from the carer. Hunter had rolled his oils on with her help and was calmly sitting reading a book. A little girl had come over to him who was also upset and the carer told me she heard him say," do you want some of my mummys oils? it makes me happy".
I hung up the phone knowing that not only would Hunter be looked after, but that I also had an amazing tool to help him, myself and so many others feel supported in times of anxiety stress and personal upheaval.
This boy has changed my life! These oils have changed our lives!! This journey has changed who we are.
If you want to know more and let me help you to feel supported..Please reach out to me.
Hi. I'm Emma.
I am a single mother and remedial massage therapist living through my heart and trying to authentically encourage others to live their truth and in their heart space!
The world can be a challenging and sometimes daunting space and I think it is important to always find something to laugh at, to connect to the earth and to resonate with your hearts story when walking your journey.
The essential oils came into my life organically at a time when I needed them and have changed our lives forever. I am so excited to share and empower people on their health and wellness journeys with these amazing natural alternatives to chemical and synthetic solutions.
The oily love is growing and the healthcare revolution is in full swing! Time to Jump on board!!